Looking Straight at Somebody Else's Eyes

Many times I would have loved it if I were looking straight at the eyes of somebody whom I was speaking with.

I would have enjoyed seeing their raw emotions, if there are.

My mind would have pondered in things that I have seen n their eyes other than the topic at hand.

I would have known or felt if what I hear from their mouths is parallel with what their eyes show.

The connection would have been deeper, closer and more intimate.

I would have known the sincerity or betrayal in what they say, or the confusion that they feel in those pair of eyes.

I would have.

Would. Have.

Only if during all those meetings and conversations, I was looking straight at their eyes.

But I wasn't.

Most times I didn't dare do it.

Partly because I don't care enough to want to see the feelings that are registered there. I don't really care enough to know if I am being betrayed, lied to, or what. I just sometimes don't. 

A small portion is because I don't want to give them the intimacy of a mere look in the eye.

Sometimes it gives me a hard time concentrating on what we are talking about. 

Looking in their eyes gives me a hint or maybe half of what they truly feel and sometimes I am just afraid of what I see.

Sometimes I don't do it because my mind is currently wandering. Going anywhere but the present. Or sometimes I just want the conversation to be over. 

Eyes distract to up to a point where it becomes unsettling and I just feel weak and bare and drawn.

So I don't do it....way back then.

A few years back, though. I've come to resolve that I will do it. I will look straight at a person's eyes. And I did.

The intimacy...I was right when I thought I would enjoy and like it. I like the feeling of being drawn---the transparency of what I see and discover in them. The things that are being revealed to me by just those two ball of eyes. The clear message that is stated there---though sometimes it's really hard to focus. It becomes hard to look at them for an entirety of a conversation.

I do it more often now because I feel like I just want to give interest and care, and to let the person know that I'm all eyes and ears to what we're saying---that my full attention is focused on them and not somewhere. 

I do it now because I am not afraid anymore, not of what I'll see in them, but of what they'll see in mine.