The opposite of demanding

Woman: Alright, you can play (computer games)  Friday up to Saturday, then we'll hang out.. (translated already)

Man: (nods)

Then the woman rests her head to the man's shoulders.

After unintentionally hearing this conversation from a couple, I looked away smiling (I can't help it). I thought "Wow, seems like a question like "DOTA o ako?" (DOTA or me?) is already not necessary. Oh by the way, I was in the LRT (Light Rail Transit) when I heard this, the couple seemed to be going to their work places. I think they are in their early twenties.

As I ponder what the woman said, they were the first couple that I did not hear the woman complain about her boyfriend's desire to play computer games for like the whole day.

I realized that whatever relationship we are in, communication is very essential, as well as agreeing to disagree. Many people think that the person they are with should always give what they ask and do what they want, even in friendship, any---as in ANY relationship should always be two-sided.

We complain about the habits or attitudes of others or of the people around us because we do not understand, right? Whereas the woman I am talking about, totally understands that her man needs to play computer games (whatever reasons he has), so she gives time for him to do it, without demanding that "I'm your girlfriend, you should have more time for me instead of playing, I am your girl friend, you should always be with me, blahblahblah." If a woman always demands for something from her man, neglecting that he also needs time to grow as an individual and not as the person she wants him to be, then he will not be the person he is or he wants to be, right? Women cannot just dictate what her man should be. Same as for men. When one manipulates the other, their ground collapses, but sometimes they do not notice it for they are busy looking at the things that should or shouldn't be, without trying to understand or accept things as they are. The same thing when a mother forces her son to wear this white shirt and not the blue one he wants, or the older sister forcing her younger sister to eat the same food she enjoys. We cannot force the people we love to do things that will please us, after all, love is not selfish.

Dominating another person's individuality sucks. Why? It sucks that we are forcing what we want to people, in a way, we disrespect who they are, why again? Because we can't seem to accept and understand who they really are and we want them to change for our pleasure. And we cannot really understand or accept them if in the first place we do not love them. If we love somebody, may it be our father, sister, brother girlfriend, friend wife, we will give our very best to understand and accept their interests and who they entirely are. No matter how hard it is, love's faith and patience never gives up. So we keep on sacrificing and sacrificing because we love.

Looking back, just looking

Please tell me what is taking place,

Cause I can't seem to find a trace,

Guess it must've got erased somehow,

Probably cause I always forget,

Everytime someone tells me their name,

It's always gotta be the same.

(In my World)

Never wore cover-up,

Always beat the boys up,

Grew up in a 5000 population town,

Made my money by cutting grass,

Got fired by fried chicken ass,

All in a small town, Napanee.

Memorized it until now. This is the first stanza of the song “My World” from the album Let Go. HAHAHAHA.

By......

Avril Lavigne.

Rings a bell. Loud ring? Yeeeees!

This is the mini poster with the cassette tape I bought when I was in first year high school. Hmm, that was in 2004. Eight years past already, yet I still have it. Well this was the only one left, the tapes were ruined already. Oh I also bought the second album, Under My Skin in cassette tape. =)))

Whenever I went home from school, I used to listen to these first two albums, alone in my room, sitting or lying down, doing nothing, just listening and absorbing what every song has to tell me. I memorized the lyrics, even the back-up, the sounds of the guitar and the drums, even the little sounds like “uhuh” in Complicated, (HAHAHA). Until now I still master almost all of the songs in the two albums. I have also known some songs in the B-roll of the first album, and they are totally great especially “Why” and “All you will never know”. I do not know why, but when Avril changed her style, it did not interest me like it did when her first two albums came out.

I guess the first album informed me about her childhood and some of her experiences as a teenager, as a growing lady with the boys telling her he’d call him but he did’nt. I also used to watch some interviews with her, used to wait for them in MTV, used to buy every song book I see that has her picture in the cover. I even bought the original copy of her “My World” tour, I think it was in New York? =D

Now I can just look back to the days when I used to sing her songs wherever I am, in the CR, in the kitchen washing dishes, or in my room fixing things. It seems long ago but the lyrics and the thoughts of the songs are still very familiar, even the beat. And when I hear them in stores, I can’t help but sing them. Hahahaha.

I was just a kiddo then, trying to decode her songs, now I think I am already old, thinking I was taught by the lessons that life has to offer.

I know the reason why I diverted my desires for her songs, because I focused on worship and Christian songs. That was the main reason, I do not relate to her songs anymore. My interest in music changed so is my interest in her latest songs because my principles and my mind set changed, but I still watch her videos if ever I see them on TV, but not the way I waited for her back then. =)))

I thought—-No, let God.

Yeah. We fail. We screw up a lot. We get confused and pressured. We become negligent and then regret it later. And yeah. The blood of Jesus always restores us and makes us new. It never fails and never loses its power. 

So this week has gone mad. I was pressured---so pressured to find a job that I like and at the same time earn my preferred salary. I was pressured of the news that some of my friends are already hired and that they are doing what they like while earning and will have the chance to buy what they want.

I looked and looked and went to places I have never been to, to apply for a job that I believe I love. Yeah and so I believe. I love it because I know it will lead me to my dream---to be a director in maybe ten or more years later. And this job that I was looking for is to be a part of a production house. So I had the interview but I think it wasn't my best shot. I got frustrated. I screwed up the interview that I was supposed to nail. I screwed up the opportunity to be there, to work in that company----or so I thought?

Right. I was overreacting with the turn of events. And that is all because I thought it was just easy. I thought I know how to answer all the questions in the interview. And by the way, I was interviewed by an executive producer of a production house. I thought about nothing but my ability to communicate and express myself. I was so foolish. I became upset of this single event? How? How can this make me not want to look for a job anymore? That's how pathetic I felt about myself. I did pray. Yes I did. and I surrendered it to the Lord already. But during the interview, I just forgot that it is already in His hands and then I carried it again. And that was solely my fault. I thought I was great. I thought I will nail it. And then I realized that I should not be the one to be praised. I really shouldn't be. It should be God who is to be praised above all---least, me. 

Then night came and I was still thinking about that day of the interview. And then I remembered what my friend told me, that maybe I was not meant to be in the job. I love writing and maybe applying in magazine company is the best for me. And then God told me that even though I get confused with what I really like, He still knows my heart better than I do. And that I should always find my happiness in Him and He will give me the desires of my heart (Psalms 37:4). And this verse from the Bible never fails. And He reminded me of his blood, Jesus' blood, that it always makes us new, that whatever sin we commit, like sin of worry or of anxiety or of fear or of anything, He is always there to wash us with His blood. He washes us with His blood for our sins to be forgiven. And His blood protects us from all things. It is the source of my strength and it overcomes all my fears. And the fear of every possible thing is being driven away by Jesus' blood, I do not have to worry about anything because the blood is my cloak. 

The feelings of being confused, pressured, down, foolish and stubborn just slipped away, because whatever we do, as God's children, His blood will always restore and make us new. It is not right that after we have asked for forgiveness, we're still feeling foolish and stubborn. All we have to do is accept God's forgiveness and think of ourselves as what God thinks of us----His righteous children.

We must not let anything steal away our joy and peace given by God. My joy is complete because of Him. I shall not want anything but all things that come from Him. My heart is filled with gladness that I find in the Saviour's arms. Now I will not look for a job because I love it, I will look for it because I know God will do it because He knows very well what my heart wants though I am not sure of it sometimes. To let Him speak and rule over me must be what I will always remember. To praise Him above all things, in whatever situation I am must be my goal every moment of this life. And now I have a new goal: to stop the person that I want to be and to be the person that God wants me to be.

Praise God that He brought me closer and closer to Him in this new and strange part of my life right here..