I was blinded by darkness, clouded with wickedness and foolishness. Poisoned and hurtful words were my only escape and hatred and anguish were my comfort. I didnt care if I hurt people. I was drunk by insecurity and envy. Anger engulfed me. Worries and panics became my companion. Darkness was my best friend. I didnt forgive, I held every bit of anger inside of me until I found comfort in it. I thought it was normal for humans to feel this and that bitching around is fun, but I was wrong. I was always angry and I didnt care if my emotions burst. I thought that hurting someone you love is alwyas fine. I thought that there is no light. I even thought of darkness as light. How wicked. I hid in the shadows of wrong of cheating, of lying, of shouting, cursing. I thought that total forgiveness is impossible, that grudge is normal to hunt people and eat them. I thought that I will live with asthma in my entire love. I thought that there's no cure and that it will be with me forever. And so I thought.
I thought that there was no way out and this was something inevitable and uncontrollable and that there's nothing I can do about it. I thought that my entire life will go like this. I felt normal, doing these things.
I thought that at this age, love will never be made perfect. I thought that love is jealous and possessive. I thought that friends should please each other. But then one day I decided to seek God, seek and seek until my eyes were sore from my crying but giving up in seeking God didnt cross my mind. He found me and showed me the light through His love which is Jesus. The one who made love perfect. who saves every little detail of this life, who makes all things work together at its best, who loves me more than anyone does, who cares for me a lot, who redeemed my soul and my whole being, who never lets me down and hurt, whose comfort is wlays there, whose love extends to the ends of the earth, whose love never changes nor fails, whose love is always perfect, whose grace saves cleanses and heals. He healed all my disease. Now I can do everything without getting dead-tired, eat and drink even the ice-cold drinks because I know that Im healed, and I beleve it 'cause it's written. And I made Hm my strength to go on every day of this life. The light of forgiveness now conquers me, same with love and faith. Worry and panic are out of the way, hatred and envy, too. Happiness surrounds every waking hour of my life. Excitement to live another day in His presence is my motivation to live this life. Instead of seeking joy from humans, I found out that the fullness in seeking God's joy is incomparable, His joy became my strength and it weakens me whenever I do something that is against His will and commandments, it is now my weakness to hurt people and curse them.
I realized that love forgives all offenses; it was never jealous, that it is perfect if God is at its center. And that God's praise should be sought above all.
-a sinner's soul redeemed and put right in the Father through Christ.
The Lord should be praised forevermore.
I am what God says I am. Thank God for this life, I will never be the same.
-Nov. 26, 2011
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